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On depression and losing the magic you once had.

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  As I reflect and look back on the last couple of years of my life, I feel nothing but pain and brief moments of nostalgia longing to have the small joys I used to experience back then. I am grieved to look back and then at who I am today and realize how far I have fallen from who I used to be. The happy, full of life version of me. Granted, I was never a real happy go lucky kind of person, but I certainly was not as dark and depressed as this. There was 2018, when I wanted to find someone special. I started praying to God asking Him to send me someone I could connect with because I felt so lonely. Not just lonely, but a deep ache inside I can only describe as a vacuum of sorts. I had legit frost-bite like pains in the upper left quadrant of my chest. It felt like something was terribly missing. I actually found out in emotional pain mapping that area represents longing for a male figure. I would cry out to God for a friend who I could feel connected to. I was faced with the fact that
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10/5/2022

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  Even broken crayons still color too. I let myself sleep in again today. I got up around 10am and fed my cat Teddy and made two cups of coffee and tea and microwaved some oatmeal. I had a cup of Chobani Greek strawberry and banana yogurt to go with the oatmeal. I went for a quick walk and got ready for work.  Work was more busy than yesterday. It is my 2nd day as chat operator and there were a lot of customers who needed help. I had like 4 chats open at one time and started feeling frazzled because I have to code each customer interaction and I kept losing my place because new chats kept coming in. It made the day go by quicker though! My IBS was acting up today. I had to keep running to the restroom. I am thinking it is from stress. I went on a walk at lunch time and that was nice. I have really been enjoying the changing weather. It feels so nice outside. I am not used to not sweating my guts out when I stand under the sun. 🤣  I sent an email to my former boss at my previous job. I
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10/4/2022

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 Today I slept in until 10am and had oatmeal and a cup of Constant Comment decaf tea with vanilla creamer. It was good! I love drinking that tea around this time of year. It just tastes like fall and the holidays to me. I got ready for work and started my new role as a chat support agent (something I never ever thought I would have the opportunity to do!) For lunch I ate crappily. French fries, Oreo cakesters, a cookies and cream poptart, and a pimento cheese sandwich.  Dinner was a little bit better. I had white bean chili, a cup of cubed pineapple, and two pieces of white bread and a glass of soy milk. It felt very nourishing.  I am slooooooowly trying to eat better again. Soon I will be making smoothies and stuff again. My goal for tomorrow is to eat a plate of kiwis and grapes!
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10/3/2022

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  Today I had the day off. I allowed myself to catch up on sleep and it felt SO  good! I am on my period currently (after three months of skipping it due to stress) and I needed the extra rest. I got up and opened up the windows and ate a cookies n cream poptart and had an everything bagel with cream cheese and a glass of soy milk. I went to Walmart and picked up some things to make white bean chili. I have decided this week will be the week I will try to sloooooowly crawl back to my healthy habits. Or die trying. Most likely the latter lol. I got bananas and frozen fruit waiting in the freezer.  While I was at Walmart I also got some grapes and kiwis. I used to really go to town on some kiwis back when I was going hard in the paint in 2016 😂 Wish me luck...lol
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The Road Back to Moonlight Path

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 It's been quite some time since I made an entry in this blog. To be honest, I had started using WordPress because I felt like more people used WordPress than Blogger. For some reason or another my WordPress account isn't letting me make new entries, so I came crawling back to Blogger and went through some of my past entries and decided...yep, I will just come back here to mark my new journey back to Moonlight Path. "What the heck is Moonlight Path?" Moonlight Path is an idea that has been enchanting my little weird heart since 2017ish. I got the name from Bath and Body Works. To me, Moonlight Path is the place where I am close to God, happy, and healthy and whole. I envision a beautiful lush garden with a giant water fountain in the middle and trees on every side. And a big, bright shining moon. I feel safe and content with who I am and where I am at in life. This is the place I want to get back to, because I have fallen so far.  I started this blog when I was 23 whe
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I've moved!

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Head on over to my new Wordpress site https://megodandvegetables.wordpress.com/
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Sjogren's flare-up?

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This week my mouth has been feeling extra dry. I find I am reaching for water more often than usual. Not only does my mouth feel dry, but my eyes and nose feel dry too. I am willing to bet my saliva glands are acting up again, and I think I know why. I have been trying to add some things to my diet because I am always fatigued and faint. I know red meat is okay for me to eat because when I eat it I don't get any joint pain after. I have been trying to add eggs to my diet and I "thought" I was in the clear, but now I am not so sure. I also have been eating lots of natural peanut butter and chocolate cashew milk (it tastes SO good) and I am trying to pinpoint what may have caused the flare-up. My left index finger has also been puffy this week too. I don't feel terrible, but it is enough to make me want to step back and evaluate what I have been eating. I think it is the chocolate cashew milk. I've stopped adding cocoa powder to my oatmeal after learning about
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