Fork in the road
Ever since I got bit by the tick/flea/whatever it was that gave me a nasty fever and bullseye rash I haven't been feeling my best. My left index finger is still all puffy like a Cheeto and today I feel run down. I woke up feeling kind of feverish, but I took my temp and it was normal. I took a hot bath hoping it would help regulate my temperature and I made it too hot and ended up feeling yucky after I got out.
I have one more antibiotic tablet left (Z-Pack) and this worries me because, why do I still feel kind of sick if I took them? It makes me think that whatever bacteria got into my bloodstream is alive and well, even after I took a round of antibiotics. It makes me wonder if I will contract Lyme or Bartonella soon, and well-- in addition with my undiagnosed Lupus, the situation sounds like a nightmare. I wonder why all these medical issues keep happening to me. Last week I was confused and worried it was God disciplining me for something I did. Or am I just being tested like Job? Normally I wouldn't think this way but lately, it seems like my health keeps getting attacked. And I want to know why.
Today I feel run down. I haven't been drinking my green smoothies as much as I have. Last week I ate rice and beans (with seasonings in it but I rinsed them) and I fear along with the antibiotics I had to take may have made my leaky gut worse. No wonder I am all swollen. I feel gross. I fear what my organs are doing inside of me. Is my DNA attacking them? I can't know because I haven't been diagnosed and have no one monitoring me. It has been just well, me, God and vegetables since December. I made so much progress in a three month's limit. I can ride my bike again, I can do moderate houswork without feeling exhausted. I even lost 25 lbs and look better than I ever have. But now it feels like I am falling all the way back to square one. I don't want that to be. I wish I had some Predisone during times like this, just to be safe. I don't know how long it will take for my body to get into healing mode again with my green smoothies and high fruit intake.
I'm discouraged and fearful because, it looks like healing is not happening fast enough. I read stories of people who healed their Lupus within a four month period, I have been eating mostly vegan since the end of January, and it is almost May. My swelling should have already gone away, and now it is puffed back up again.
I haven't lost faith. And I won't. I keep believing God can and will heal me. I will stay strong. I just need God to pick me back up and help me try again.
I have one more antibiotic tablet left (Z-Pack) and this worries me because, why do I still feel kind of sick if I took them? It makes me think that whatever bacteria got into my bloodstream is alive and well, even after I took a round of antibiotics. It makes me wonder if I will contract Lyme or Bartonella soon, and well-- in addition with my undiagnosed Lupus, the situation sounds like a nightmare. I wonder why all these medical issues keep happening to me. Last week I was confused and worried it was God disciplining me for something I did. Or am I just being tested like Job? Normally I wouldn't think this way but lately, it seems like my health keeps getting attacked. And I want to know why.
Today I feel run down. I haven't been drinking my green smoothies as much as I have. Last week I ate rice and beans (with seasonings in it but I rinsed them) and I fear along with the antibiotics I had to take may have made my leaky gut worse. No wonder I am all swollen. I feel gross. I fear what my organs are doing inside of me. Is my DNA attacking them? I can't know because I haven't been diagnosed and have no one monitoring me. It has been just well, me, God and vegetables since December. I made so much progress in a three month's limit. I can ride my bike again, I can do moderate houswork without feeling exhausted. I even lost 25 lbs and look better than I ever have. But now it feels like I am falling all the way back to square one. I don't want that to be. I wish I had some Predisone during times like this, just to be safe. I don't know how long it will take for my body to get into healing mode again with my green smoothies and high fruit intake.
I'm discouraged and fearful because, it looks like healing is not happening fast enough. I read stories of people who healed their Lupus within a four month period, I have been eating mostly vegan since the end of January, and it is almost May. My swelling should have already gone away, and now it is puffed back up again.
I haven't lost faith. And I won't. I keep believing God can and will heal me. I will stay strong. I just need God to pick me back up and help me try again.
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