Not enough rest

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Equals this. Will it blend?

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On depression and losing the magic you once had.

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  As I reflect and look back on the last couple of years of my life, I feel nothing but pain and brief moments of nostalgia longing to have the small joys I used to experience back then. I am grieved to look back and then at who I am today and realize how far I have fallen from who I used to be. The happy, full of life version of me. Granted, I was never a real happy go lucky kind of person, but I certainly was not as dark and depressed as this. There was 2018, when I wanted to find someone special. I started praying to God asking Him to send me someone I could connect with because I felt so lonely. Not just lonely, but a deep ache inside I can only describe as a vacuum of sorts. I had legit frost-bite like pains in the upper left quadrant of my chest. It felt like something was terribly missing. I actually found out in emotional pain mapping that area represents longing for a male figure. I would cry out to God for a friend who I could feel connected to. I was faced with the fact that
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10/5/2022

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  Even broken crayons still color too. I let myself sleep in again today. I got up around 10am and fed my cat Teddy and made two cups of coffee and tea and microwaved some oatmeal. I had a cup of Chobani Greek strawberry and banana yogurt to go with the oatmeal. I went for a quick walk and got ready for work.  Work was more busy than yesterday. It is my 2nd day as chat operator and there were a lot of customers who needed help. I had like 4 chats open at one time and started feeling frazzled because I have to code each customer interaction and I kept losing my place because new chats kept coming in. It made the day go by quicker though! My IBS was acting up today. I had to keep running to the restroom. I am thinking it is from stress. I went on a walk at lunch time and that was nice. I have really been enjoying the changing weather. It feels so nice outside. I am not used to not sweating my guts out when I stand under the sun. 🤣  I sent an email to my former boss at my previous job. I
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