An ironic destiny and a flare
I remember small moments in my childhood when I was confronted with a plate of vegetables,and knowing that they were good for me, wanting to like them-- trying to eat them.. When I was around five or six my Grandma would sometimes have a platter of broccoli and cauliflower in her living room and I would try to eat one every time but couldn't stand the taste. Now I am 22 and just destroyed a small head of broccoli with homemade guac. What an ironic destiny!
Well, I just started my day and unfortunately I am not feeling my best. Yesterday I could tell my health was taking a nose-dive when I felt run down and feverish. Took my temp and sure enough, I was baggin' a low-grade fever (99.2ish). I immediately knew it was my body trying to tell me I need to stop working so hard and stop stressing out so much. I had to stop pushing myself and put on some comfortable clothes and climb into bed and sink away into oblivion so it could recharge. I made a cup of tea and sank into bed and prayed to God asking Him to give me strength to endure whatever may come my way. I decided right there I was going to stop obsessing over my anxious thoughts that cause me stress (thereby stressing my immune system and setting the stage for another flare day) and that I would stop running from everything and just let it be. I had a few sips of my tea and soon I was all cozy and comfy and was able to sail away into Dreamland. I had good sleep, too! I even had an awesome AWESOME dream.
In the dream I was in my mother's room and had my hands on the glass door that leads to our backyard. It was storming outside and very windy. I was praying to God that He heal me of my Lupus so I could live for Him and tell others of Him. I closed my eyes and suddenly a strong wind blew through the door and hit my entire body, sending a chill to my forehead, as if God himself touched it with His hand. I felt the most extraordinary exhilaration you could have from a dream. I was overcome and opened my eyes and stepped away from the door in fear.
It was an amazing dream. I woke up hoping somehow whatever happened to me in the dream came true and looked at my left hand and was snapped back into reality. It is still swollen. I still feel run-down. I still feel sick.
To be honest, I really have only myself to blame. Last month was crazy. I got bit by a mysterious insect which left a bullseye rash and had to take antibiotics (which can make leaky gut worse), ate grains and legumes because I was scared to take the antibiotics with just fruit (which, since I most likely have leaky gut, the grains and legumes irritate the lining in my stomach, creating more holes), and I have been stressed out over my cat's fungal infection, my family, and letting an issue go in my heart that God has been dealing with me about, and just disappointment because I really thought I was healing so fast and now it seems it has stopped. Not to mention my OCD has been having a field day a lot lately. All of this crud has worn my body down. It is time to sit back and figure out a different way to live. Because whatever I'm doing now, isn't working. At all.
But I'm not giving up. I'm not going to stop asking God for healing. After all, it says in the Bible that we must keep asking, seeking, and knocking. By His stripes I AM healed. And I won't stop my new life, eating fruits and vegetables. If I can recover from what happened in December, I can recover from this now. I was so sick in December; severe thirst (from dry mouth ala Sjogrens), severe fatigue, barely able to get out of bed...and look, with just a few weeks of eating nothing but plants and prayer my body was able to feel well enough to go to the store again, to ride my bike again, to do work around the house and feel great. I can't let go of that. I have to keep that in my mind, because I know it WILL happen again, and I bet given a few weeks time, I will feel even better than that. I will recover. I will. This is just a bump in the road.
Well, I just started my day and unfortunately I am not feeling my best. Yesterday I could tell my health was taking a nose-dive when I felt run down and feverish. Took my temp and sure enough, I was baggin' a low-grade fever (99.2ish). I immediately knew it was my body trying to tell me I need to stop working so hard and stop stressing out so much. I had to stop pushing myself and put on some comfortable clothes and climb into bed and sink away into oblivion so it could recharge. I made a cup of tea and sank into bed and prayed to God asking Him to give me strength to endure whatever may come my way. I decided right there I was going to stop obsessing over my anxious thoughts that cause me stress (thereby stressing my immune system and setting the stage for another flare day) and that I would stop running from everything and just let it be. I had a few sips of my tea and soon I was all cozy and comfy and was able to sail away into Dreamland. I had good sleep, too! I even had an awesome AWESOME dream.
In the dream I was in my mother's room and had my hands on the glass door that leads to our backyard. It was storming outside and very windy. I was praying to God that He heal me of my Lupus so I could live for Him and tell others of Him. I closed my eyes and suddenly a strong wind blew through the door and hit my entire body, sending a chill to my forehead, as if God himself touched it with His hand. I felt the most extraordinary exhilaration you could have from a dream. I was overcome and opened my eyes and stepped away from the door in fear.
It was an amazing dream. I woke up hoping somehow whatever happened to me in the dream came true and looked at my left hand and was snapped back into reality. It is still swollen. I still feel run-down. I still feel sick.
To be honest, I really have only myself to blame. Last month was crazy. I got bit by a mysterious insect which left a bullseye rash and had to take antibiotics (which can make leaky gut worse), ate grains and legumes because I was scared to take the antibiotics with just fruit (which, since I most likely have leaky gut, the grains and legumes irritate the lining in my stomach, creating more holes), and I have been stressed out over my cat's fungal infection, my family, and letting an issue go in my heart that God has been dealing with me about, and just disappointment because I really thought I was healing so fast and now it seems it has stopped. Not to mention my OCD has been having a field day a lot lately. All of this crud has worn my body down. It is time to sit back and figure out a different way to live. Because whatever I'm doing now, isn't working. At all.
But I'm not giving up. I'm not going to stop asking God for healing. After all, it says in the Bible that we must keep asking, seeking, and knocking. By His stripes I AM healed. And I won't stop my new life, eating fruits and vegetables. If I can recover from what happened in December, I can recover from this now. I was so sick in December; severe thirst (from dry mouth ala Sjogrens), severe fatigue, barely able to get out of bed...and look, with just a few weeks of eating nothing but plants and prayer my body was able to feel well enough to go to the store again, to ride my bike again, to do work around the house and feel great. I can't let go of that. I have to keep that in my mind, because I know it WILL happen again, and I bet given a few weeks time, I will feel even better than that. I will recover. I will. This is just a bump in the road.
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