Can you tell I flared yesterday? No? :P
On depression and losing the magic you once had.
As I reflect and look back on the last couple of years of my life, I feel nothing but pain and brief moments of nostalgia longing to have the small joys I used to experience back then. I am grieved to look back and then at who I am today and realize how far I have fallen from who I used to be. The happy, full of life version of me. Granted, I was never a real happy go lucky kind of person, but I certainly was not as dark and depressed as this. There was 2018, when I wanted to find someone special. I started praying to God asking Him to send me someone I could connect with because I felt so lonely. Not just lonely, but a deep ache inside I can only describe as a vacuum of sorts. I had legit frost-bite like pains in the upper left quadrant of my chest. It felt like something was terribly missing. I actually found out in emotional pain mapping that area represents longing for a male figure. I would cry out to God for a friend who I could feel connected to. I was faced with the fact that
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