rash on point today.
rash on point today.
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| Rash has been making more appearances on my face lately... |
And I know exactly why, too.
I haven't been taking very good care of myself like I should. Visiting my relatives more often, playing with the kids, cleaning out the garage, exerting myself, fixing my vampire-like sleep schedule, undergoing sleep deprivation, and eating foods I swore off all had a huge part in my stalled healing. I am now at an impasse, a plateau. And I've been kind of discouraged.
I haven't been eating as much raw-fully as I should be. Cooked stuff just tastes so much better. I've been making kale chips, soups, and sweet potatoes a lot lately. These foods are healing of course, but my goal is to eat as much raw fruits and vegetables as I possibly can. I also have been skimping heavily on my green smoothies. I have only been drinking one a day (28 oz. at most) and that is not enough to sustain my cells. Not with the inflammation I got goin' on right now.
I have got to learn how to say "no". I have been letting my fears of what other people think of me make my decisions. I know the sun is not a good idea for me right now, but because I want my family to not worry about me or suspect I still think I have Lupus (when I know very well I do.) I have been letting myself bend over backward just to keep the peace. I have gone out into the sun and overexerted myself and let myself get overworked when I know I need to rest. It sucks when you have symptoms of an illness...and because a doctor was unable to properly diagnose you nobody believes you and expects you to still be your "old self". Even worse so when you get made fun of or chided for a new way of eating when it is the only thing that is holding you together. I can't go back to my old way of eating. I will only get sicker.
When I look at my life and where I am right now, I should be terrified...but I know I am safe because I trust God. He has been my best friend every since I fell sick back in December. It is unfortunate that I ran to get tested for Lupus so soon because it wouldn't have shown up on a blood test (and it didn't, although my inflammation marker came back high). But at the same time, I am thankful it came back negative. If it came back positive, I would have been put on medications that could possibly wreck my system more so--it is good I changed my diet to give my body a fighting chance to recover on its own. The scary part now is, will I get better, or will I get worse? Can diet alone really help me? Or am I clinging to a false hope? I then start thinking about God and how He could heal me with one word. I have thought about going to one of those faith-healing churches where they lay hands on you and pour oil over your head and pray for you. I hang tightly to Psalm 118:17 "I shall not die but I shall live, and recount the deeds of the Lord.". I want to do things for God before I die, and being sick with this mystery illness has really opened my eyes and my horizons on how I can make this happen. When you get sick with something so scary, it really puts things into perspective,
At the end of the day, all I can do is sip my smoothie and look up and say to the Lord, "I trust You."
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